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Why don’t I like myself today?

Sometimes i wake up and i don’t really think much about how i look.
If my pants fit and i have a clean top without some sort of avocado stain on it, i am happy.

I mean, It is a good day if i run a brush through my hair before throwing it up into a bun on top of my head.

It’s a really good day if i put on some mascara and brow powder.

The issue doesn’t really arise out of daily routines though.
It rears its head up when we are getting changed from our jim-jams or when we do the nudey walk to the shower.
It’s the moment we catch our reflection in the mirror and we zero in on it.

That jiggly spot or that dimple in our bum or our saggy boobs or those crows feet or stretch marks… the list goes on. If there’s a “flaw”, trust me, it’ll be found.

I can literally go from not giving it one thought to berating myself all day the next.

A pet insecurity of mine if my upper thighs.

Those little dimply bits, on the side of my right leg in particular.
If i wear shorts, it will always be in the back of my mind.
I will heckle myself with thoughts like; “Is everyone looking at it?” “I bet they think i am unfit and a horrible example of a personal trainer because you’re all jiggly there.”

I bloat up like a puffer fish about a week before my period. I can go from feeling light as a feather one day to bulgy and retentive the next.
I mean, i can literally put on 3 kilos in a bloody day!
My appetite is healthy,f for sure, but i can’t eat that much!

And even though i know this is due to my hormones and its a consistent pattern, i still sometimes get caught up in the battle in my head.

Here’s the logic though: elevated estrogen levels will lead to fluid retention and bloating. What happens a few days before women get their menstrual cycle?

Bingo. More estrogen.

A small 2013 study in the journal Perceptual & Motor Skills revealed that during menstruation we tend to perceive our body size as larger than it really is.

So that might explain why i feel differently from day to day.

I’ve also noticed that i need to exercise and train differently during hormonal fluctuations.

When i looked into how female hormones actually affect how women train, i was surprised that there’s not a lot of info around about this.
I am convinced that certain spikes and dips in progesterone, estrogen and testosterone influence my performance from day to day. Maybe thats a blog for another time!

2018-01-22T09:14:31+00:00

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