I have always been very good at being the boss of me.
Trust me, anyone who knows me understands that i don’t thrive in conditions of inequality. If you give me a job to do, then i will get it done, but don’t go totalitarian on me or you will see my bum as it walks out the door.
I’ve had some really horrible “bosses” through-out my career and i vowed to myself that i would never become one of those ego driven people who gets off on throwing around a title.
So when i opened my business officially just over a year ago, i was as cool as a cucumber with my staff. I got lucky, i’ll grant that one. The people who came with me to open the doors were all well established and confident in their own careers, so needed little intervention from me.
I was also switched on enough to have established my own clientele before taking the step into leases and debts. I worked out that if i had a baseline membership, then i could estimate how much the business was netting per week and how to divide the expenses accordingly.
I won’t lie, the first six months were stressful AF.
We were delayed from our original opening date of August and pushed back to almost October, which i knew was too late in the year to be opening, but shit happens and i had to wear it.
I had these deep feelings of frustration that i wasn’t getting anywhere in the timeline that i wanted and i turned the blame inward on myself. But fighting the natural flow of how things unfold doesn’t actually generate progress and just creates a sense of resistance and desperation. And trust me, people can smell that all over you.
I am normally an intuitive person, so that energy was repellent. I got the feeling there was people out there who didn’t want to see me move forward and i felt that negative energy too. But F**k em, they don’t own me and no-one else should ever be the reason you don’t give your dreams or goals a go.
What others think about me is none of my business and i had to let that go.
Being a Westie, I learned that certain industries are quite small and for me to build a good reputation, I just had to let others negotiate theirs. Being graceful and doing it to the best of my ability had to be my strategy.
I think blocking out the potential chatter and insecurity that could’ve swallowed me whole, allowed me to attract people operating on the same wave length as me. I have never been more surprised to discover that my members and clients became a community. My intention was to bring people together, but it planted a seed and is blossoming every day into this amazing flower.
I’ve never been in a fitness environment where women come together and celebrate each others successes and support each other through their challenges. I don’t take credit for that, that is a reflection of the truly beautiful souls who are drawn to the environment i created. We found each other and continue to welcome more people seeking the same thing; connection and community.
In my thirty years, i can honestly say i have never had friendships more solid or authentic than with the people i have met in the last two years.
What i struggled with, was embracing my new found title of “boss lady”. I shudder even just using a fun term like that. Being in charge is second nature to me, but using a title that officiates it, well that doesn’t sit quite as well. There’s something very ego driven about announcing yourself as the “boss.” There are certain expectations that are attached to that title and rarely have i had a good experience with a person who actually considers themselves a “boss.”
So i will try to explain how i have started to come to terms with it.
I am evolving and growing into the role. Being a boss to me means that i do not have time to hold onto negative emotions that don’t serve me. I process experiences differently now. I think in some ways it has helped me grow into the person i truly i am. I don’t harbour ill-feelings toward people, (not for long anyway) i confront the issue and move on. Like, don’t even really think about it again after its been dealt with.
I spend less time concerning myself with what others think of me, because like i said before, its none of my business. If i bring the most authentic version of myself and apply 100% to my work, then i know i cannot offer a person anymore than that. If my best isn’t enough, then at least i know that i tried to the extent of my ability.
I have learned to accept that people will walk away from you. Being in the “personal” part of training, you can’t help but get to know your members and share in their experiences. So if they choose to move on or leave, it can be a little hard to understand and not experience it like personal rejection. I have had a really difficult time with this at some points. When someone i considered a friend, who was also a client, chose to move on after five years, i reacted from a very insecure place and that was a learning curve for me. I started to see that like life, things must change and from change comes growth and new insight.
I catch myself working up to sixty hours a week sometimes, but it doesn’t tire me out all too often, because i truly enjoy the challenge each day brings. I occasionally come down on myself about not achieving enough quickly and i am learning to get better at reminding myself that i am still here getting to do what i am passionate about. Not everyone achieves that.
I ask for help when i need it and rest when my body asks for it.
Yes, i am a work in progress, because being a boss is one thing, but becoming a leader is another.
I don’t aspire to sit on my throne and have my minions scurrying around in fear when i enter the room. I am the person who will get down on the floor and scrub the walls beside you. Because what I’ve learned is that people will cooperate and respect someone far more if they are willing to do the work and lead by example.
So i will continue on my journey of becoming a boss that i can be proud of and a leader that people can relate to.
Watch this space.