A different self help perspective

This article is not deigned as a self help guide to how you can achieve your goals in a traditional sense.

Goodness knows there’s enough of them on the internet.

The concept of self improvement is not a new one and it is quite subjective as to how one will interpret the journey to being an improved version of themselves.

And in previous blogs, i have gone to great lengths to offer solutions to the topic of self improvement.

But here’s the thing that no-one seems to want to tell you.

YOU aren’t achieving your goals or succeeding because of YOU.

No-one else is responsible for what you do or do not do in your life.

You cause your own emotional turmoil. 

Hell yes, that was just said. Because emotional turmoil is often just a person REACTING to their situation. And by reacting, it means that something has stimulated you to feel the need to shift how you behave and if you do this without any thought process or time to calm your mind, then you are just reacting. Then ultimately creating another reaction and so the cycle goes on.

The phrase “I hate drama” is thrown around, but how many people actually stop and think about why drama comes into their life?

The Urban dictionary describes drama as “people who are chronically bored or those who seek attention. People who engage in “drama” will usually attempt to drag other people into their dramatic state, as a way of gaining attention or making their own lives more exciting.”

And the truth is, everyone is guilty of perpetuating or creating drama for the above reason. But to continually participate in drama is to keep reacting and therefore creating their own emotional turmoil. When we are caught in a state of reaction, there is no room for focusing on goals, because attention is being offered to emotionally un-useful things.

Some good questions to ask yourself before entering into drama, is:

“Do i need to respond to that person, comment, internet post, etc?”

“What benefit is it to me to interact with this person/situation/business?”

“Is it really important that i share/tag/tell others about how i feel/ the problem or event?”

“Why do i want to continue talking/thinking/acting into these issues?”

Energy flows where attention goes. 

When our energy is being depleted by dwelling in our own self-constructed drama’s or focused on unproductive ventures, then successful outcomes are far less likely to reach their potential.

For example, when someone comes along to a gym and signs up with a personal trainer, they are directing their energy toward what should be a positive outcome. When the weekend comes rolling around, instead of saying no to fast food and alcohol, they spend the entire weekend indulging. Suddenly, their energy is redirected toward a quick fix and self-indulgence, meaning their energy is not being fully focused on the positive outcome they wanted.

So, if energy is coming from a negative place based on fear, then a positive outcome cannot entirely manifest. And this is where the onus falls back onto each individual.

Energy is a powerful tool, with many books being written into pop culture recently. The most popular probably being “The secret.” But what it talks about is actually not a secret all! When energy is focused and clear, it is usually answered with what we asked for.

Try asking yourself these questions:

“How focused am i on directing my energy into what i want?”

“What exactly do i want to achieve in the next 1 year?”

“What energy am i currently welcoming into my life?”

Circumstances are not the reason you won’t succeed.

Of-course it would be remiss to say that circumstances can be out of a persons control. But its mitigating the reaction and redirecting energy that underlines how a person will handle the outcome.

It’s so easy to say that life never allowed for this or that and it’s someone else’s fault that success was never achieved, but learning how to be inwardly resilient it actually the key to overcoming your circumstances.

Staying in blame and not accepting how your own mindset and behavior contribute to keeping you stuck in one place is an easy way to not move forward.

Possibly the most famous person who proved circumstances do not define your own possibilities is Richard Branson. He was largely uneducated, dropping out of high school at age 16 due to his struggles with dyslexia. He found the music scene and used his inspiration from there to start his own record label. He’s now one of the richest men in the world.

Although not everyone will soar to those heights of achievement, circumstances can represent many different things and can largely be changed or altered with a little mindset shift and some determination.

Try asking yourself:

“Why do i continue to blame that person/place/situation for my failures?”

“What is holding me back from changing what i no longer need/want in my life?”

“How can i move past where i am right now?”

Success is journey, not a destination.

It’s a bit of a misrepresentation to consider that once we have checked off a few boxes, that we will be a success and that’s it. On the contrary, when we are working toward something, it is never about the end point, its about the things we learn and experience along the way. There is always going to be more.

So when someone says “When i lose 10kg and fit into a size 10, i am going to be happy,” it creates the implication that happiness depends on a number. And for anyone who has been on that journey, they will know it most certainly does not work that way. Reaching a goal weight for example, will not make you happy if the reasons are so that you can buy a certain sized dress and see a number reflected on the scale. If you cannot appreciate the journey and lessons it brings along the way, then the destination will not be satisfying.

Once the destination is reached, if the journey isn’t considered important or validated by continuing work, then true success has not been achieved, because no learning has taken place.

Try asking yourself:

“Why do i want to achieve a certain outcome?”

“What is actually important to me in my life?”

“What am i learning from the goal’s I’ve set out?”

No-one will do it for you. You’re owed nothing. 

Sometimes our own self entitled way of thinking can have a huge impact on the outcome of our achievements. It is quite easy to wonder who is going to give you a job, who is going to help you with losing weight or who is going clean the house… wait…. that’s YOU. Unless you’re lucky enough to be a multi-millionaire with a whole bunch of staff, the responsibility is entirely on your shoulders to complete your goals. People, places, events and situations can be there to assist you in your endeavors, but they cannot do it for you.

It is entirely up to the person to create success for themselves, no matter how big or small that might look. Successes can be achieved on a daily basis, by setting our smaller, incremental goals. It could be as simple as stating “Today i will wash the dishes and fold the laundry” or as big as “Today i will have a meeting with my boss and ask for a pay rise.” These all start to amount to achieving an overall goal that we have.

For example, if your goal is to change your lifestyle habits, small goals could start with cutting back on smoking to half your regular amount, then the following week, halving it again until smoking is completely out of your life. Smaller goals amounting to one larger one.

Often, that has to come with being willing to examine who you are as person and developing a resolve to really look at your own beliefs.

Try asking yourself:

“Who can help me reach my goals?”

“What reliance do i have on other people to do things for me?”

“What does success look like to me today?”

It may now be apparent that this article is not to give you the answers, but rather to create a level of self-evaluation and accountability. Because success rests on the shoulders of the person who set’s out with a clear mind and focus and does not react to the drama around them.